Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
