she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
