there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
