How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
