I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
