I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
