I hope mine doesn't look like that
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
