Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I party with great urgency now.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
