So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
