I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
