Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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