Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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