is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
