She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
