happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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