I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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