She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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