New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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