just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
