non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
