Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
