Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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