I need help removing her.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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