i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
