no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just puked most of my soul out..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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