so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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