I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
