theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
