Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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