We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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