covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
