We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Enjoy the penises
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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