So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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