She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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