Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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