Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
