He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
