I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
