i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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