The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You're a waste of cheezeits
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
