Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
