someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Fuck appropriateness.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
