I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
