You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
