I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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