is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
