He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
