I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
