Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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