Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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