I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
