I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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